General Discussion

I drank some coffee about 1 hour before I went to bed and for some reason caffeene lingers in my system for a long long time.  I kept tossing and turning and my mind wouldn't keep still.  For some reason I got to thinking about Max Payne and the whole narrative style that the game had from the main characters point of view followed by thoughts of this girl I have not seen in about 2 years ago.  My mind started to wander and a sort of movie started to play.  I kinda wrote it all down and figured I'd share it with the rest of the people.  Here goes:

Leaving the restaurant I walk behind her.  She moves with grace not commonly found.  Her red dress hugs her curves as if it were a second skin, it's color only matched by her lipstick.  The valet pulls up with my car and I let her into the passenger seat.  The weather is dismal and the awning above the enterance is the only thing protecting us from it's assault.  I notice she was feeling a bit cold so I turn on the heat and she visibly relaxes.  She sits there as I drive, content.

I'm speeding through the winding road but I don't care.  The police wouldn't be out here in this kind of weather.  They're probably hiding out in a coffee shop somewhere watching baseball.  The windshield whipers are doing overtime trying to maintain some semblence of visibility in the driving rain.  It's been a long time since I've seen such a downpour.

As we arive at my home and she opens her door the rain ceases as if by the will of some greater power.  As if her beauty was something exquisit, something not allowed to be marred by the rain.  I get out of the drivers side and she's made it to the steps by now.  She turns cassualy over her left shoulder, smiles and says "I'll be inside where it's warm".  I stand there mezmerized, barely registering her voice.  She enters the the house and closes the door and the heavens open up once more.  Like a slap in the face the sobering cold of the rain brings me from my reverie and I realize I'm getting soaked.  I rush into the house after her.

As I enter my home I notice the lights are still off yet there is a glow from the living room.  I take off my coat and proceed to remove the tie that's had a strangle hold on me for quite some time.  I walk into the kitchen and notice that she has lit the 2 candles in the living room.  Their glow the only thing keeping the ever creeping darkness from swallowing us whole.  The flames and the shadows move together as if locked in a perpetual dance, a tango for all eternity.  I reach for a bottle of red wine and look up to see her staring out the window.  A flash of lightning illuminates her face but most of all her green eyes.  They are like large priceless emeralds glimmering in a crown of some royalty lost to the ages and all but forgotten.  They pierce the darkness without any effort, and would do the same to a mans heart all with a single glance.  I pop the cork and another flash of lighting splits the sky, then the sound of subtle rolling thunder is heard in the distance.

I am walking through the living room, making my way toward her.  She notices me approach and turns toward me.  I extend my hand holding one of the glasses filled with wine and she acecpts it willingly.  As she grabs the glass I feel her hand.  It's warm and velvetine to the touch.  Time slows down and is about to stop.  If she were one of the valkyries come to take me from this world I wouldn't have noticed.  I regain some of my sences and strugle to say something but all that comes out is "this was quite the night".  Her red lips and the red wine part ways and all she says in response is "Was?".  At this very moment the phone rings and in my mind I shout a thousand curses to whoever might be on the other line.  She brings the glass close to her lips once more and says "You going to get that?".  The phone rings the second time.....

That's as far as I got.  I know it might sound a big cheesy or sappy but for some reason it kept rolling around in my head for a good 3 hours before I finally fell asleep.

Not bad, I enjoyed the story.  Your writing style could use some work in grammar and punctuation.  Although, the story made perfect sense and you filled in the details with some unique words.  I couldn't figure out if you were trying to tell us a dream or a memory.  Whichever it may be, good job.

Interesting story Illius. Go back to sleep and tell us the rest

I need to come to the off topic section more..

good story.. interesting! why dont u join story telling contests or take journalism major

It's really good, :d.

hi there wazzup!!!! hehe im just new here and it is my first post

hmm interesting stuff, that stuff happens a lot when i'm ill. Maybe you should try decafe'

Just to explain a few things....

I have no formal training in the writing arts.  Other then the English classes I took in high school there really isn't anything more to it.  I realize it might be a bit rough but I was more interested in just putting it down in text.  I wanted to make it more tangable and to just get it out of my head.

Other then that, thanks for the comments.  It's interesting to see what people think once in a while.

To me it seems very cliche but good non the less.... good job ...