If Girl Scout Cookies Were Video Games

The gamer fuel you didn't know you needed.

If you haven’t heard by now… the Girl Scouts are now selling the legendary Girl Scout Cookies and shipping them directly to your home.

Everyone who’s anyone has had a girl scout cookie in some capacity. We’ve all broken piggy banks and evicted wallet dust bunnies in search of a crisp ten-dollar bill that will let you get your fix. Opinions surrounding the best Girl Scout Cookie are volatile and divisive. Thin Mint fanatics and Samoa warriors will draw blood in a heated battle to determine who comes out on top.

As gamers, we usually keep a small stash of snacks in the pantry for a late-night gaming session. What better gaming fuel is there than a box of delicious Girl Scout cookies delivered right to your door? You’re giving business-savvy ladies hope for a better future, arming them with the skills they need to be successful in life, and acquiring a horde of tasty treats that keep you inside and away from others. But, have you ever thought about what your favorite Girl Scout cookie would be if it was a video game genre?


Girl Scout Cookies, the Indie.

Naturally flavored with other natural flavors. Crispy lemon cookies baked with inspiring messages to lift your spirits.

Lemon-ups, the Indie game. Like the Indie game, they’re packed with hopes, dreams, and motivation. Lemon-ups aren’t quite as popular as the other cookies since they’re new to 2020 and don’t have as many flashy fillings, but they’re filled with just as many quality ingredients and that same wonderful feeling you get when you savor the lemon icing zest that is unique to their specific cookie.


Girl Scout Cookies, the FPS.

Delicate-tasting shortbread that is delightfully simple and satisfying.

Trefoils, the FPS game. Trefoils are simple shortbread cookies, giving you the same satisfying and reliable experience with every bite. No matter how you decorate it, it will always be a shortbread cookie, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The Old reliable FPS, the trefoils are a great snack when you want something with not a lot of glitz and glamour that you can just dive right into and enjoy.


Girl Scout Cookies, the Strategy.

Oatmeal sandwich cookies with peanut butter filling.

Do-si-dos, the Strategy game. Just like a Strategy game, the do-si-do has multiple layers and delicious textures to it. The peanut butter adds a nice crunch and dose of protein that keeps you going when you’re conquering foreign lands and decimating your enemies’ armies. The do-si-do is a clean cookie that doesn’t leave much of a crumb trail.


Girl Scout Cookies, the MMO.

Crisp cookies with caramel, coconut, and dark chocolaty stripes.

Samoas, the MMO game. Beloved Samoas, you grace us with your crisp, coconut-y presence once a year in an explosion of fanaticism and caramel. The rest of the year they’re salivated over and hotly debated as the best Girl Scout cookie and the one that blows all the others out of the cookie box. When they finally arrive, they’re quickly gobbled up and bought out while the rest of us have to settle for Thin Mints until the MMO queue times die down.


Girl Scout Cookies, the Horror.

Crispy cookies layered with peanut butter and covered with a chocolaty coating.

Tagalongs, the Horror game. Delicious, smooth chocolate on the outside, and a crisp, rich peanut butter layered cookie on the inside. Like the Horror genre, the Tagalong looks innocent at first and lures you into a false sense of chocolate security before you take your first bite. Then, when you take that first bite you realize that something isn’t right here. When did peanut butter come into the equation? The do-si-do doesn’t hide its peanut butter filling.

girl scout s’mores

Girl Scout Cookies, the RPG.

Graham sandwich cookies with chocolate and marshmallowy filling.

Girl scout s’mores, the RPG game. One of my personal favorites, the s’mores cookie is a comfort snack filled with a fluffy marshmallow and chocolate filling. It’s a nostalgic cookie, similar to many of our favorite RPGs that we grew up with. Role-playing games have depth, story, and meaning similar to the delicious, thick, buttery cookie of the s’mores cookies and are a reminder of simpler, more innocent times.

thin mints

Girl Scout Cookies, the Survival.

Crisp, chocolaty cookies made with natural oil of peppermint.

Thin mints, the Survival game. Just like the Survival genre, thin mints don’t have to try very hard to be liked by just about everyone. There’s a little bit of something there for everyone, be it crafting, combat, and the occasional multiplayer aspect. The thin mint is a mature cookie, with a cool, refreshing taste that asks that you stay calm in even the most dire survival encounters.

Choose wisely. It’s dangerous to go alone.


Stay home, open up a box of Girl Scout cookies, and play your damn games.

1 Comment

  1. Settle for Thin Mints? SETTLE FOR THIN MINTS!?!?!?!? Samoas are hotly debated as the best Girl Scout cookie? In every debate there is a winner and a loser, and if you aren’t on the side of the Thin Mint then you are… well, I will let you figure it out.

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